Season: One — Episode: 6 Director: David Storey — Writer: Brent Butt — Aired: February 25, 2004 — Viewers (millions): 1.21 Summary: Hank thinks Dog River should put up a big object as a tourist magnet but the town can't decide on what until Helen, Fitzy's grandmother, comes up with an idea with an unfortunate double meaning. Oscar thinks Lacey has a crush on him and she tries to find a way to let him down gently.
Why don't you look Fitzy's grandma in the eye and give her one good reason why this town can't build a great big dirty hoe.
— Lacey to Brent
At Corner Gas, Lacey watches as Brent writes names of famous TV characters on a chalk board. Explaining that when Oscar ran the station, he used the board to shame those who bounced cheques, Oscar arrives. Ranting and mispronouncing the names, Oscar thinks they are people from around Dog River. Telling Brent to not take cheques from them anymore, he stomps out, leaving Brent and Lacey laughing. Lacey leaves and Hank arrives with an idea to built a giant statue of something to increase tourism. However, he doesn't know what to build. Brent refuses to join Hank at the town meeting where he intends to propose his idea. At the Ruby Cafe, Davis pulls a muscle getting ketchup leading Oscar to drone on about Davis getting old. Depressed, Davis leaves. Oscar complains to Lacey about looking older than he is but when Lacey says Oscar looks good, Oscar thinks she has a crush on him.
I can feel it all slippin' away.
At the Town Hall, Mayor Fitzy Fitzgerald presides over a meeting to hear ideas to increase tourism. Wes protests the meetings being held during working hours. Outside in the police cruiser, Karen asks Davis what goes on in the meetings but he's crabby, thinking about getting old. Brent and Lacey sneak into the meeting and sit at the back as Brent doesn't want Hank to see him. Hank rises and tries to convey his idea but he's so nervous that he rambles inanely. In the cruiser, Karen plays music which makes Davis feel old. Hank continues his confusing talk until seeing Brent, he tells everyone that Brent knows what he means. Brent coolly explains the idea of building something like Moose Jaw's big moose. Fitzy is worried about the cost but when Brent mentions Wullerton has a big magpie, town spirit takes hold and everyone applauds, including Wade.
His wheels are coming off.
At the Leroy's, Oscar tells Emma about Lacey's crush. Emma fakes sadness but then bursts out laughing. As Josh buses tables at the Ruby, a committee composed of Fitzy, a local woman, Brent, Hank, Wes and Fitzy's grandmother, Helen, discuss what to build. After acknowledging the idea was Hank's, Wes proposes a dog in a river. Oscar arrives and using an example from recent history, conveys to Lacey that he doesn't approve of infidelity. Lacey's nonchalance leaves Oscar concerned. Lacey listens into the committee which doesn't have any good ideas until Helen, citing Dog River's farming heritage, suggests building a giant hoe. Brent and Lacey recognize the double entrendre with "ho" (prostitute), causing Lacey to joke they do attract people.
You've gotta be kidding me.
At Corner Gas, Wanda stocks headcheese and expresses her disgust for it. Oscar arrives and after saying he likes headcheese, asks Wanda for general advice how to make oneself less attractive. Wanda suggests having something stuck in one's teeth. At the Ruby, thoughts on what to have on the hoe (such as dirt and cracks) make the double entrendres worse. Lacey challenges Brent to tell Helen why the hoe shouldn't be built, but he doesn't have the heart. Oscar heads home and asking Emma for parsley, she kids that various female celebrities are interested in Oscar. Heading to the Dog River Hotel, Brent and Lacey tell Wanda that no one else in the committee got the double entrendre, except Fitzy, who in private, nearly cried when telling Brent that he couldn't explain the issue to his grandmother.
It's just that, uh...
In the Hotel, they are joined by Hank, who did get the double entrendre, but thinks the media attention it will garner will benefit the town. Brent wonders if a different word than "hoe" can be used but trying alternatives on those at the bar, he realizes they're stuck with "hoe." While Lacey plays pinball, a dishevelled Oscar shows Lacey parsley stuck in his teeth but distracted by the game, she brushes him off. Oscar leaves, still concerned, and Wanda tells Lacey that Oscar thinks she has a crush on him. Indicating she complimented Oscar only to be nice, Brent jokes that Lacey's a hussy.
Does it look gross?
The next day at Corner Gas, seeing Oscar arriving, Brent jokes with Lacey that he's fine with her being his new mommy. Lacey says she has to let Oscar down without hurting his feelings. As Lacey takes Oscar aside, Wanda gets an idea and tells Oscar that a new shipment of headcheese came in. He's confused why Wanda would mention this, but without Lacey seeing, she makes a face, reminding Oscar of when she said headcheese was disgusting. As Oscar turns away, Lacey looks at Wanda who indicates Lacey should be grossed out by the headcheese. As Oscar eats some, Lacey tells him she's going to be sick and leaves. Oscar's relieved and thinks he's ended Lacey's crush. Brent asks if Oscar was tempted but mentioning what Emma would do to Lacey if she really had a crush on him, they both shudder.
Oscar's eating headcheese.
At another town meeting, with Davis and Karen in attendance, Fitzy announces building the world's biggest hoe. As Davis jokes they're building the world's biggest prostitute, Helen overhears and slapping Davis, says he's a youngster with a filthy mouth. Davis is happy to hear someone comment positively on his age. Brent, Hank and Lacey visit a town that they discover has already built a giant hoe, which is bigger than Dog River's. Indicating they should have checked first, they comment on a coffee shop attached to a gas station and decide to spend some money there.
Wes suggests building a statue of a gopher. Four years later, gopher statues in Dog River would be the central theme of Hank's dream. ("Gopher It")