Season: Four — Episode: 13 Director: David Storey — Writer: Paul Mather — Aired: January 29, 2007 — Viewers (millions): N/A Summary: When Oscar has to find a way to pay for Emma's damaged bushes, he becomes a census taker. The only problem is he's partnered with Hank, who would prefer to work alone. Wanda attempts to get Brent to sell energy bars and Lacey believes that Davis and Karen are secretly dating.
Okay, calm down, pal! My partner's a loose cannon. I can't control him. Help yourself out while you still can. How many people here?
— Oscar to Emma
Having seen a u-pick-it farm, at the Leroy's, Oscar opens Emma's garden up to the public. The garden is ransacked and Emma demands that Oscar pay to replace what's been taken. In the parking lot of the Ruby Cafe, Davis tells Karen that she can't wear earrings on duty. Hank is eating on the deck and starts choking on a pickle. They discuss how to pronounce "Heimlich" and don't come to Hank's rescue. Hank almost passes out until Brent saves him. Brent rebukes Davis and Karen for not knowing first aid. At Corner Gas, Wanda unsuccessfully tries to get Lacey to sign up to sell Organo meal replacement bars. Brent isn't happy Wanda's selling the bars when she's supposed to be working at the station. He's also not impressed that the bars are made of soy.
What's that make it, the eighth time?
At the Ruby, Mayor Fitzy tells Davis and Karen that he's sending them both to a first aid course in Regina. Fitzy leaves and Lacey overhears Davis and Karen whispering about going to a hotel together. At Corner Gas, Lacey tells Brent what she heard but he doesn't believe the officers are having an affair. At the Leroy's, Oscar fails to fix the garden so Emma reiterates he'll have to pay for the damage. At the Ruby, Lacey coyly asks Davis if he and Karen are close. After he recalls several benign, "sticky" situations, Lacey promises to be discreet but Davis thinks she's admiring their police work. In order to make some money, Oscar applies to take the town's census but has competition in Hank, who has done the job before. Fitzy gives them an aptitude test which they both do equally poor at.
This door is sticky.
Thinking he needs to provide a urine sample, Oscar fills Fitzy's coffee cup and Fitzy decides to hire them both. At Corner Gas, Brent tells Wanda to quit selling Organo but he changes his mind when he sees how much money they can make. He agrees to be one of her reps and chokes down a sample. While driving in his truck, Hank lectures Oscar on taking the census and insists that he follow his lead. Having returned from their first aid course, outside the Ruby, Karen tells Davis that since she got a better mark, he has to give her earrings and allow her to wear them on the job. Inside the Ruby, Emma refuses to buy Organo bars from Brent and leaves. Lacey joins Brent and has him look out the window, where Davis is giving Karen earrings. Brent believes that they're involved.
Holy moly? Who are ya, L'il Abner?
Hank and Oscar's first count is a pregnant woman. Hank says they'd like to pose a few questions but Oscar quickly counts the woman and her unborn child and leaves. Hank scolds Oscar for being reckless but privately, admires Oscar's unconventional approach. At Corner Gas, Wanda holds an Organo sales meeting but Brent is her only rep. She acts as if there are multiple teams and critisizes Brent's lack of success. As Brent announces he's quitting, Wanda shows him a new product, Organo bars with chocolate. Brent tries one and likes it better than the plain ones. The next house is the Leroy's, where Hank does a bad cop routine while Oscar pleads with an annoyed Emma to cooperate. Emma threatens Oscar and they leave. At the Ruby, Davis warns Karen that people will be put off by her earrings.
Headcount. One and a half.
Lacey compliments the earrings and Davis leaves, peeved at having lost the bet. Lacey thinks she's embarrassed Davis by hinting at his and Karen's supposed fling and apologizes. Hank and Oscar return to Fitzy's office, where he fires them as they've only counted three and half people. Both have difficulty understanding they've been let go. The next day at the Ruby as Josh cooks, Lacey apologizes to Karen again, who thinks the incident was only about her earrings. Lacey offers to make a special dinner for Karen and Davis which Karen accepts. Karen leaves and Lacey tells Brent about the dinner, thinking she's saving their secret relationship, and Emma overhears. Emma thinks Lacey's trying to win back Davis and at home, she tells Oscar and imagines their dinner. Oscar, who's reading the Howler, doesn't care and imagines a dinner in which Fitzy is attacked by a bear.
That Fitzy's a jackass.
At Corner Gas, Hank can't believe it when Brent tells him that Davis and Karen are dating. Wanda orders Brent to deliver two boxes of chocolate Organo bars to a farm but she won't obey Brent's direction to clean the cooler. Brent delivers the bars but eats one box on the way. In front of the Police station, Karen admits to Davis that the earrings may be weirding people out and she gives them back to him. Davis tells her to not wear them on the job and hands them back which Oscar sees. At the Leroy's, Oscar tells Emma what he saw and Emma thinks that Davis is cheating on Lacey with Karen. Oscar starts doing his own census, even though Fitzy has now taken over doing the official one. At Corner Gas, learning Brent ate the box of Organo bars, Wanda fires him. Brent then gets Wanda to quit selling the bars.
What am I gonna do with stupid earrings?
That evening at the Ruby, Davis and Karen arrive for the dinner Lacey's prepared and are confused when she refers to it as "romantic." Emma arrives and accuses Lacey of having no self-respect for making a dinner for Karen and Davis. Hank then arrives and tells Karen to stop trying to win Davis back. Davis and Karen barely notice the hub-bub as they are enjoying the food. Emma, Hank and Lacey are all confused and Davis confirms that the earrings did make things weird. At the Dog River town limit, a crowd has gathered to watch Fitzy unveil the sign detailing the town's population. However, Oscar interrupts and says he has the "people's census" and estimates there's 500 living there. Fitzy is incredulous, made worse when Wes and Jane agree with Oscar and Wes calls Oscar a hero. Everyone claps and Hank tells Oscar that he's proud of him.
Geez Davis, how many girlfriends you got?
Mayor Fitzy indicates his desk is a door on two filing cabinets. However, when temporarily firing Wade, he has a proper desk in his office. ("Lost and Found")
Jackass!: Oscar tells Emma that Fitzy's a jackass for firing him from being a census worker. Oscar then imagines Fitzy being attacked by a bear.
"It's got soy. That's like the anti-nougat. If nougat and soy were ever to touch, we'd all be vaporized."
"Folks on the highway need to know how many people they're driving past."