Season: One — Episode: 9 Director: Robert de Lint — Writer: Paul Mather — Aired: March 17, 2004 — Viewers (millions): 1.05 Summary: When Brent gets a new cell phone, Davis is determined to keep up with him. Lacey tries to join Dog River's Chamber of Commerce and proving she has community spirit, tries to prevent a historic landmark from being torn down, not realizing there might be a good reason for it. Oscar develops a passion for a claw machine and stuffed toys.
I know this is terrible news and we're all very angry at whatever idiot cost us our cell phone tower, but well, Lacey was in the middle of sayin' something and I think we should let her finish.
At Corner Gas, Davis talks on his cell phone and finishing, remarks how small it is to Brent. Brent receives a call on his cell phone and seeing it's smaller than his, an annoyed Davis stomps out to Wanda's amusement. At the Ruby Cafe as Josh cooks, Lacey tells Mayor Fitzy that she keeps seeing rats in the field behind the Ruby and he gives her bad news that she wasn't accepted into Dog River's Chamber of Commerce (CoC). At the Dog River Hotel, Oscar insults Paul for replacing the shuffleboard table with a claw machine. Sarcastically saying the claw machine is fun, Oscar plays and gets a stuffed animal.
I love being Mayor.
In front of the Police station, Karen comments on the confusing art on a Dog River button to Davis. Davis asks her opinion on the size of his cell phone, which he equates with his masculinity. Mentioning that Brent's is smaller, Karen doesn't think size matters, whether it works or not does. At the Ruby, Brent commiserates with Lacey's rejection from the CoC while Hank wonders what a "chamber" is. Lacey mentions the rats in the field behind the Ruby while Brent suggests Lacey show community spirit to get into the CoC. Oscar arrives and demands a roll of loonies from Lacey. He tells Brent to shut up when he asks what he wants the loonies for and drops a toy bunny. At the Leroy's, Emma finds a kitchen cabinet filled with stuffed toys.
Have you seen these buttons?
Brent is curious when Davis arrives at Corner Gas and browses idly. Having arranged for Karen to call his cell, Davis flaunts his new, smaller phone in front of Brent. Davis comments its reception will improve when the town gets a cell tower while Wanda makes fun of Brent's larger phone. As the Howler's headline announces the new entrants to the CoC, in front of the Foo Mart, Lacey helps Emma with her groceries as an act of community spirit. Commenting that Oscar usually helps her, Emma's worried that he's always at the bar. Lacey overhears Kirk Berkley and another farmer talking about an old grain elevator that's going to be torn down. Believing they regret its destruction, Lacey asks them about it, which they don't like.
At the Ruby, as Brent puzzles over the Dog River button, Lacey tells him she'd like to save the grain elevator from being torn down. Figuring this will get her into the CoC, Brent says they'll do some research at the library. They see Oscar in the parking lot with an armload of stuffed toys. Brent's cell phone rings but he doesn't want to answer it as Wanda will make fun of how big it is. At the Leroy's, Emma catches Oscar going through her purse for loonies. Trying various psychological ploys on Oscar, she tricks him into not playing the claw machine anymore. At the Ruby, seeing Oscar mimicing the claw machine with two forks, Hank tells him that he was addicted to a game and that he should call a hotline for help. As Lacey walks by with a box of rats traps, they look at their food.
I'm on a roll!
In front of the Howler, Brent proudly shows Davis and Karen his new, even smaller, phone. Bragging about its features, he mentions several of them won't work until the new transmitter is installed in town. At the Hotel, Oscar asks Paul for a roll of loonies. Paul wonders if Oscar is on a health kick as he never drinks anymore, causing Oscar to realize he's hit rock bottom with his claw addiction. At the Ruby, Lacey tells Brent the grain elevator has been declared an historic site and won't be torn down. Thanking Brent for his help, she proposes announcing it to the town that night at the Hotel. Oscar calls an addiction hotline but angered that it's anonymous, he hangs up.
You just lost a customer!
At the Hotel, Brent and Wanda critisize the art on the Dog River button until Paul says that's he's the artist. Hank is impressed that Oscar was banned from the hotline after one call and that Oscar has sworn off the claw machine. Davis shows Brent his special order, tiny cell phone. Lacey likens it to a Barbie doll phone and maligns Davis and Brent's masculinity for owning such small phones. Lacey stands and telling everyone she and Brent have an announcement, Fitzy interrupts with news that the cell phone tower isn't going to be built. Indicating that the tower was supposed to go up on the land the grain elevator is on but "some idiot" got the tower protected status, Hank and Paul both remark that the elevator is rat-infested.
Berkely and his farmer friend both say they wanted the elevator torn down, as it would improve the town. Hank tells Lacey to make her announcement. She and Brent don't admit to what they've done and Lacey covers by saying she's changing the soup of the day. They both make a hasty exit. Oscar plays the claw machine but now has Emma hooked as well. Next day at the Hotel, Paul tells Brent that he had the claw machine removed, seeing how it caused addictive behaviour. However, he's replaced it with a video lottery terminal which Oscar is hooked on. Brent receives a call on his cell phone, but he's switched to a large, vintage model. Davis walks past also using a large cell phone.
Hi ya, Davis.
Debut of Kirk Berkley (who makes turkey jerky) as "Old Farmer #1."
Jackass!: Oscar says it three times. First, on Paul for getting rid of the shuffleboard table (Paul calls him a jackass back). Second, he decries a gambling addiction hotline as being staffed by jackasses and lastly, he calls the man on the hotline a jackass.
"No more claw. Just don't come crying to me if you need a fuzzy lobster."