Season: Two — Episode: 12 Director: David Storey — Writer: Mark Farrell & Paul Mather — Aired: January 24, 2005 — Viewers (millions): N/A Summary: Hank acts as goodwill ambassador to Bill, a savvy American who visits Dog River, but isn't the best choice. A new ATM machine at the Liquor store draws a loyal following, leaving Lacey to wonder where all her customers have gone.
A lost American tourist, Bill, arrives at Corner Gas looking for directions. However, Brent, Wanda and Lacey make light of his situation and depart, leaving Bill perplexed. At the Liquor store, Davis is wary of the new ATM machine which Wes tries to show Oscar how to use. As Josh buses tables at the Ruby Cafe, Bill asks what there is to do in Dog River but all Emma can think of is to see Davis' wood pile. Karen arrives and asking Lacey for the soup de jour, patronizes Bill with a translation. He decides to learn French but everyone confesses they can't speak it. Fitzy arrives at Corner Gas and asks Hank to show Bill around and be the town's good will ambassador. Brent recalls that Mark Mallett is the ambassador but due to his drunkenness, Fitzy's decided a change is required.
Am I close to Deer Lake?
Hank meets Bill and immediately starts to insult him. Outside the Liquor store, Davis continues to speak ill of the ATM which Fitzy agrees with but Davis doesn't hear. Karen decides to learn French and tells Fitzy that no one is scheming to get his job as mayor. In the Liquor store, a discussion on which came first, the chicken or the egg, leads Wes to ask Oscar's opinion. He's confused until, to his delight, he realizes that everyone there, including Wade, really wants to hear what he thinks. At the Ruby, Hank believes Bill is ignorant of Canadian money but Bill has some and thinks having different coloured bills makes sense. Fitzy arrives to see how Hank is performing but after listening to Hank tease Bill that they can go see polar bears, Fitzy gets Brent to agree to be ambassador and host Bill.
My gut tells me this ATM is bad news.
To ensure Hank won't bother Bill anymore, Fitzy has Davis strand Hank at Hank's house, which is ten miles out of town, by locking up his truck. On the deck of the Ruby, Oscar's offended when Emma doesn't want to hear his opinion and leaves for the Liquor store, and says Emma wouldn't understand why he likes it there. At the Ruby, Karen tells Lacey she's going to learn French and notes lack of customers there. Karen refuses Lacey's offer of French textbooks and doesn't like it when Lacey maligns Karen's plan to learn French by immersion, in a town where no one speak French. Having walked back into town, Hank meets Brent and walks into the Ruby where he starts making fun of Bill again. Fitzy and Davis maintain a vigil outside the Liquor store when Brent wildly drives up.
All I got to eat here are pickles and pop rocks.
Claiming he has diplomatic immunity from tickets, which Fitzy confirms, Brent tells them that Hank is bothering Bill again. Davis again strands Hank at his house. At the Liquor store, while Wanda holds a philosophical discussion, Emma walks in. Asked her opinion, she gets drawn into the ATM crowd. Seeing Oscar pouting outside the Liquor store, Lacey discovers that's where all her customers have gone. Entering the store, Lacey tries to lure everyone back to the Ruby, but not feeling any pressure to buy anything there (even though Wes continually tries to sell insurance), they ignore Lacey. After Brent shows Bill the pile of lumber owned by Davis, they enter the Liquor store so Bill can get some cash. Pushing through the crowd, they find no one using the ATM and it's covered in flyers. Hank walks back into town to find Main Street deserted.
Davis is perturbed to find Karen has been hanging out with the ATM crowd. Hank enters the Liquor store where Bill demonstrates excellent knowledge of Canadian government procedures. Hank still takes the opportunity to deride Bill. At the Ruby, Brent and Lacey agree that the ATM is a bad influence while Oscar tries to get his opinion heard. Emma acknowledges becoming the leader the ATM crowd. Fitzy arrives at the Ruby and schemes with Brent and Lacey how to break up the ATM crowd. Hank continues to bother Bill whose patience has run out. Emma orders Hank removed but when Karen steps in to stop Hank from being thrown out, both she and Hank end up stranded at Hank's house. After Oscar suggests scaring the ATM crowd by wearing masks, Brent says they should just go talk to them.
I can't let you do that.
However, Brent's plan doesn't work and he, Fitzy, Lacey, Oscar and Bill (who tried to help them) all end up stranded at Hank's house. Asked if he'll ever return to Dog River, Bill deadpans only if he wants to be part of a bizarre sociological experiment. Having walked from Hank's, Karen enters the Police station. When Davis learns what happened to her, he walks to the Liquor store menacingly, with a piece of wood in his hand. Inside, he offers Wes his entire pile of wood if he gets rid of the ATM. Having sold nothing with the ATM, Wes agrees. The ATM crowd wonders what they'll do. A crowd gathers to watch the ATM leave town and a happy Lacey expects business to return to the Ruby. They then decide to see the pile of wood, which now belongs to Wes. Davis is pleased the ATM is never coming back.
Sorry about your wasted trip.
Much of the episode centers on a new ATM in the Liquor store. However, there's a CIBC next to the Foo Mart which would have an ATM.
Davis walking down Main Street with a piece of wood is a parody of Sheriff Buford Pusser in Walking Tall.