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"All My Ex's Live in Toronto"
◀️ World's Biggest Thing Logo 01.jpg Cousin Carl ▶️  Transcript Script icon.png

Season: One — Episode: 7
Director: Henry Sarwer-Foner — Writer: Mark Farrell — Aired: March 3, 2004 — Viewers (millions): 1.34
Summary: When Lacey's ex-fiancé from Toronto comes to visit, the people of Dog River take matters into their own hands to protect Lacey from her past. Emma uses strong-arm tactics to get Oscar to the doctor. Karen gets to know her billy stick and just about everyone gets a tour of the Police station's new interrogation room.


Logo 01.jpg Episode Cast
Main Cast


He was just...oh, he was just so forgiving. You know? I mean you could treat him badly and he'd say I'm sorry.
— Lacey about Stephen
At Corner Gas, as Wanda talks to a customer about quantum physics, he can't believe that she works at a gas station. At the Ruby Cafe, Hank and Brent overhear Lacey on the phone. Hanging up, she tells them that her ex-fiance, Stephen is coming to see her. At the Leroy's, as Oscar reads the Howler, he argues with Emma that he's not going to the doctor. Saying she sees a doctor twice a year in the City, she tells Oscar he is going. At the Ruby, Lacey is uncomfortable after the phone call prompting Hank to tell Brent that Stephen is a stalker. On Main Street in Dog River, Davis twirls his billy club which Karen awkwardly tries to copy.

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Over my dead body.
At Corner Gas, Hank insists they need to protect Lacey and starts calling Stephen, "Kolchak", implying he is a stalker. Telling Brent they need a plan, Brent says he's not going to do something stupid, like pretending to be Lacey's boyfriend. As Hank suggests beating Stephen up or sacrificing him to the crops, Wanda jokes she'd like to see Brent as Lacey's boyfriend. Brent imagines sharing a chili cheese dog with her. Outside Corner Gas, Brent tries to mediate Emma and Oscar's argument where Emma forcefully tells Oscar he's going to the doctor. As Hank insists to Wanda that they need to help Lacey, she jokes that he should pretend to be her boyfriend, which Hank agrees to.

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You're thinking about it right now.
Brent tells Oscar he's worried about Stephen coming, refers to him as "Kolchak" and tells Oscar to not mention it to Lacey. Oscar immediately heads to the Ruby and asks Lacey what she wants done about Stephen. Saying to just leave Stephen alone, Lacey appears distressed, leading Hank to believe he needs to help her, even when she insists several times that he not do anything crazy. Arriving in town, Karen pulls Stephen over to check that his speed matches what her radar gun said. Thanking him, she accidentally smashes his tail light with her billy club. At the Ruby, Lacey tells Brent that Stephen was too nice and she broke off their engagement. As Lacey wonders if there's something wrong with her, Karen arrives with Stephen.

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Don't do anything to Stephen.
Davis drives the police cruiser with Oscar in the back. Mentioning Lacey is worried about a visit from her ex, Davis mishears Oscar say "Kolchak" and thinks Stephen is bald like "Kojak." Oscar also says he thinks Stephen is a fugitive. Lacey introduces Stephen to Brent and they hear that Karen broke his tail light, which they think she did on purpose. Davis and Oscar discuss Brent's nativity and as Oscar says some people never learn how to take care of themselves, they arrive at the doctor's office. With Oscar in handcuffs, Davis escorts him in. At the Ruby, Lacey asks if Stephen is hungry. Brent suggests a chili cheese dog but when Stephen offers to split one, Brent imagines eating one with Stephen.

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You did take a swing at me.
Hank arrives and after kissing Lacey and pretending to be her boyfriend, Lacey protests and Brent drags Hank out. Finally able to talk privately, Lacey apologizes for leaving Toronto without telling Stephen and then phoning his parents to say the wedding was off. From Oscar's misinformation, Davis tells Karen to watch out for a fugitive stalking Lacey. Karen mentions Stephen's arrival which results in them racing in their police cruiser from one end of the Ruby parking lot to the other. Calling Stephen "Kojak", Davis arrests him over Lacey's protests. Seeing Stephen isn't bald, Karen thinks he's wearing a toupee. Running to Brent in Corner Gas, Lacey tells him of Stephen's arrest. Lacey threatens Hank when he continues to act as her boyfriend.

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He's an idiot.
In the new interrogation room at the Police station, Stephen quietly tells Davis he has to charge him or set him free. Wondering why he can see Karen through the one-way glass, Davis tells him it was installed backwards and he tells Karen to come in. Lacey wonders why Davis and Karen thought Stephen was a bald stalker. Emma and Oscar arrive and Oscar tells Brent his check-up went fine. Mentioning Brent hasn't been to the doctors in years and that he has an appointment immediately, he protests going, citing Stephen's arrest. As Oscar relates that Brent told him Stephen is a stalker and Hank says him acting as Lacey's boyfriend was Brent's idea, Lacey looks at Brent suspiciously. Using the doctor appointment as an excuse, Brent leaves.

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It makes perfect sense.
Lacey, Emma and Oscar arrive at the interrogation room and entering, find Stephen trying to fix its broken intercom. As Lacey cites wrongful arrest to Davis, they all try to clear up who "Kolchak" and "Kojak" are. Emma orders Davis to release Stephen which he agrees to, but says he still has to give him a ticket for his broken tail light. Davis cuts Karen off when she tries to explain she broke the light and Davis mentions another thing wrong with the room, the door lock was installed incorrectly and they are trapped.

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Yeah, it still has a few kinks.
At the Dog River Hotel, Brent tells Paul about his medical exam. Having escaped the interrogation room, Stephen and Lacey have a drink at the Hotel where Stephen says he's engaged and visited Lacey to make sure he didn't have feelings for her. Stephen leaves and Brent joins Lacey. Having left Dog River, Stephen is given a ticket by a cop in another town for his broken tail light. At Corner Gas, Oscar asks Brent if he's seen Emma. Relating she has a doctor appointment in the City, Emma's actually bowling.

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How'd he take it?


  • The reference Hank unknowingly makes to a lottery in which the loser is stoned to death is The Lottery.
  • The town's doctor is Dr. Conway. ("Doc Small")
  • Jackass!: After Brent asks Oscar how his doctor appointment went, Oscar says he's fine and calls Brent a jackass.


"Don't point your pickle at me."
―Brent to Hank
"Brent as Lacey's boyfriend. Now that's something I'd like to see."
"I've angered the karma gods and you're my punishment."
―Brent to Oscar
"Always listen to your gut. Mine's saying "chili cheese dog.""


Corner Gas Season One Episodes
Ruby RebornTax ManPilates TwistOh Baby!Grad '68World's Biggest ThingAll My Ex's Live in TorontoCousin CarlCell PhoneComedy NightHook, Line and SinkerFace OffI Love Lacey


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